You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
