Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
