youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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