Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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