I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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