Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
