dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
