i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize