Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
