She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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