the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
