There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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