Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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