I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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