good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
