It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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