Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
