Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
