420 ftw
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
