Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
