I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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