i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Vodka?
Forever.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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