i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
