btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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