If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
