he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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