Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
