Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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