what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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