I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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