I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
