what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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