ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
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All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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