im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
