when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
