Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
