Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
