Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
