He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
