walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
