She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
