I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think a kid would responsible me up
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
