hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
