Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
