Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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