I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
