i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
