hell yes lets make some ravioli
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
