wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
