my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How external is "for external use only"?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
