Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
