am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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