I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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