I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
