you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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