Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
