So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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