dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
