I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
