First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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