I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
