Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
