Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
