Three words: puerto rican gang bang
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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