Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
