Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
