physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
