sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
