Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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