i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
