If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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