I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
