In the future we'll all be gay
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
how drunk are you?
Several
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
