I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just gargled with NyQuil
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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