Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
