how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
