Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
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