found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
