he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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