Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
