Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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