she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
