She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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