I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
