I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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