I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
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When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
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You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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