try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
