I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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