Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
