there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
