What a fucking waste of an outfit
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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