so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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